should I marry you ?

setelah lama ditinggalkan. ada kata yang harus terucapkan. tentang perasaan yang benci dikatakan untuk sebuah frasa bernama pernikahan.
aku harus memahami ..
bahwa umur lebih dekat dengan kubur..
bahwa jiwa hanya untuk harta dunia..
bahwa hati sudah tidak bisa lagi sepi..
tapi terlalu banyak syukur yang sering diingkari oleh kufur..
sehingga aku sudah tidak tau lagi harus bagaimana caranya mengukur..
mengukur diri dengan siapa aku harus habiskan semu..
yang aku tau.. dari sejak dahulu.. doa ku tak pernah luput dari nama mu,,
tapi terlalu banyak takut yang berkelabut..
karena restu tidak semudah menyundut semut..
konon katanya .. menikah itu menyatukan dua keluarga ..
tapi bukan salah iman yang tak sama .. hanya pengakuan yang tak diterima ..
sementara sang raja belum berkata-kata apa-apa.. maka aku bisa apa ..
hanya bisa bermimpi kalau ini hanya sekeping hati yang hampir mati karena ulahku sendiri.
meng-ingin-i.. tanpa berpikir dua kali .. sungguh .. tak ada kata sesal dihati untuk mencintai mu sampai nanti ..
namun jika benar Tuhan sudah menggariskan takdir setiap hamba, seharusnya tidak ada lagi perasaan duka.. merasa kecewa .. dan terluka .. yang ada hanya aku dan kamu bahagia ..
aah ! aku ingin menangis saja dipelukan ibunda.

When I am Thinking of Marriage ....

Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. We must put something in before we can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people and people put love in marriage. There is also no romance in marriage. We have to infuse it into our marriage. We must learn the art and form of habit of giving, loving, serving, praising keeping the box full. 

I always imagine that the bride and groom look like stars in their own movie and the soft background music gives all of it the feel of a fairy tale. It’s beautiful and romantic, but it’s not reality ! Unfortunately, many young adults think of married life as one grand, thrilling moment after another – the everyday. Marriage is much more than a wedding ceremony. A wedding is an event but a marriage is a state of being. It’s not a one-time act ! it’s a lifelong commitment to be developed and maintained. We need to leave behind the giddy notion that marriage is a game in which being a cute couple matters the most.

In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man & a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co-operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds happiness and comfort in the heart of the other. The word Love in the Qur'an appears on over 90 places but interestingly it doesn’t define the word love but speaks about the very first consequence of love “committing”. Islam talks about “commitment”. "If you truly love, then commit, if you do not commit, the your claim of love is not real." That's what I heard. 

           In reality, I don't see at myself to marry at an early age. I am afraid to get married with someone who I don't love. I have searched the Internet looking for information on Gamophobia, which is a fear of marriage, marriage fear, marriage phobia, fear of commitment, commitment fear, or commitment phobia. Sometimes, I have extreme anxiety if someone talks about it. but, it doesn't seem I will not marry. I just do not find someone who can handle it for me.

A Year Without Rain

Can you feel me

When I think about you?

With every breath I take

Every minute

No matter what I do

My world is an empty place

Like I've been wandering the desert

For a thousand days

Don't know if it's a mirage

But I always see your face, baby

I'm missing you so much

Can't help it, I'm in love

A day without you 

is like a year without rain

I need you by my side

Don't know how I'll survive

A day without you 

is like a year without rain.

The stars are burning

I hear your voice in my mind 

Can't you hear me calling?

My heart is yearning

Like the ocean that's running dry

Catch me, I'm falling.

It's like the ground is crumbling underneath my feet

Won't you save me?

There's gonna be a monsoon when you get back to me, baby

So let this drought come to an end

And make this desert flower again

I need you here

I can't explain

But a day without you

Is like a year without rain

It's a world of wonder with you in my life

So hurry, baby, don't waste no more time

I need you here, I can't explain

But a day without you is like a year without rain, ai.. :""")

_Selena Gomez_

The Interviewer and Blazer.

The Interviewer and Blazer

Location : Trust Modeste Boutique

Photo Shoot for my broadcasting's friends. 

The Dark Blue Skirt in The Sky Hijab

The Dark Blue Skirt in The Sky Hijab

Location : Trust Modeste Boutique

Photo Shoot for my broadcasting's friends.

Miserable Blue

Miserable Blue 

in The Happy Ied Fitr 1435 H

Location : at home

Summer with Black

Summer with Black 

Location : Ragunan

Family Gathering 

Casual with Red and Grey

Casual with Red and Grey

Location : Trust Modeste Boutique

Photo Shoot for Syahidah Brand Ambassador

The Tribal Oranges

The Tribal Oranges

Bekasi 

Green Meets Broken White

my outfit 

Green Meets Broken White. 

Bekasi 

The Words That I Can't Say

"Say Something"


by: A Great Big World feat Christina Aguilera

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something... ai !!

Think Hard !

I found this conversation from the one of website.  Lets put your logic to the test ! :')

Professor : You are a religious man, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving

>> I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. 

By the way, that student was EINSTEIN. But some say this isn't Einstein but i just cant remove some of the context because they cant show any evidence that this is not Einstein either.

Happiness is a journey. Not a destination. :) #HappinessProject

Hello world ! Bicara tentang “happiness” atau kebahagiaan itu merupakan suatu hal yang gak bisa diungkapkan hanya dengan sebuah kata-kata. Beberapa orang bilang “bahagia itu sederhana”, aku sih gak setuju, kenapa harus di definisi kan dengan kata sederhana kalau bisa dimaknai dengan kata istimewa. Ada juga yang bilang “happiness is a choice. You are the only person who can make you happy. You are as happy as you choice to be”, kenapa cuma diri kita sendiri yang bisa membuat bahagia, bukannya kita memerlukan orang lain juga untuk melengkapi kebahagiaan kita, dan sebuah pilihan itu pun harus didukung oleh orang-orang disekitar kita buat bahagia itu jadi lebih indah, bener kan? :D  then, some people also said “kebahagiaan itu adalah usaha untuk membuat orang lain bahagia”, nah ! kalo itu sih namanya nyiksa diri :P hehe. Untuk apa kita membahagiakan orang lain kalo diri kita sendiri tersiksa karena hal tersebut. So, what’s the real happiness?

Yang kayak begini bukan sih yang disebut happiness? :D (iyaa~ bisa jadi yaa kalo lagi laper. hehe :p)

Atau yang kayak gini ? :D (maunya gretongan cyin~ :D LOL)

 Apa mungkin yang begini yang disebut bahagia? :D (iyaa~ pake banget) ahahahaha 

Well, bagi aku bahagia itu istimewa. Bahagia itu apa yang kita pikirkan, yang kita katakan, dan yang kita lakukan dengan harmoni. Perhaps, happiness can be defined a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Seperti sebuah perjalanan hidup, tapi bukan sebuah tujuan yang harus dicapai because happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. but if you turn your attention to other things. it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. :’)

Then, what makes you happy ? pertanyaan ini yang kadang bikin kita bingung buat ngejawabnya, karena banyak banget yang bisa membuat kita bahagia. Dari mulai keluarga, teman, sahabat, musik, fashion, photograpy, melukis, bernyanyi, bercanda, candy, bermain gitar, makan, hang out bareng temen, travelling, dan masih banyak lagi. Coba deh liat video ini, tentang hal-hal apa saja yang kebanyakan orang bisa bikin dirinya bahagia. 
Check it out, guys ! 

So, menjadi bahagia itu gampang kan, guys? :D hal-hal terkecil yang ada disekeliling kita bisa menjadi faktor terbesar untuk membuat kita bahagia. For me, I’m happy to be a muslimah dan berada disebuah lingkungan yang gak jauh dari al quran dan sunnah nabi Muhammad saw, itu sudah cukup membuat aku lebih dari sekedar bahagia. But the important thing is I’m happy ketika bisa mengajak para hijabers yang lain buat ikutan acara HIJAB DAY 2014 yang diselenggarakan oleh Hijabers Community Jakarta, pada tanggal 27 April 2014, di Skenoo Hall Gandaria City. Acara nya bakal ada pengajian akbar, talkshow, mini class of Hijab di Lounge HC Jakarta, Charity, and Girls Concert. Let’s join with me, girls ! believe me ! It will make you happy. J

in the last 2014

Have you ever had a moment where, out of nowhere you started tearing up and wanted to scream because no one seems to listen to you otherwise? Have you had a moment where you looked around you and realized how unsatisfying and unfair your life is? I had a moment like that today. I try to distract myself all the time, but today I just wanted to let it all out. I don’t want to leave my bed, but I know I can’t stop living. Here I am, 21 years old, and I have no idea where the F*CK (pardon) my life is going.

Indeed high school was the best three years of being a student among the 17 to 18 years of my student life: less stress, more fun, and most of all, more time to go out and have fun with my beloved schoolmates and friends. However, after those three years, goodbyes were made but new hellos were said to the new environment and people that I am going to deal with in my college life. 

My college life is similar with how people see life as a roller coaster ride: I had my ups and downs, situations that can be fun for a minute but terrifying for an hour, and lastly, there were moments that sometimes have to start with a big drop to make it more exciting and challenging. Yes, college never became that easy for me, not just because of the stressful courses but also, because of the people who somehow cannot understand how things must change in a way that can help a person to grow as a matured individual. Friendships, betrayals, failures, love and sacrifices, were part of what I experienced in college. However, at this time, all I need is a GRADUATION !!! I only wanna get my bachelor degree. that's all. 

O God, if You listen me, I only want graduate for this year. :") 

Deep Feeling !

You know how much I love you? | The time will tell you later.

Because this feeling is not worth to be spoken | Not while I'm still not ready.

As a greeting can tarnish the heart | 'maksiat' will immerse myself.


I'm already in that hole feeling | Speak or silence is equally torturous.

But when we speak it is not only the torture but also leave the sin | Because we are not ready and to hide away this feeling could be harsh.

Who knows my future and your future? | Sometimes the stupidity take over my senses.

I think if I tell this feeling, it will make me peaceful | Whereas I knew it is the beginning of the disaster that led to the regret.

Then, perhaps silence is the best way | or will I make you some lyrics?

However I have no face | When I should start with 'maksiat'.

So, let's hide this feeling without expressed it | ‘till the time, I am able and worthy to carry on.

How much I love you? | You probably never knew.

-Reblog and translate Ust. Felix Siauw's writing. 

When You ....

"When you feel lonely, recall how Adam (as) felt when he was sent to this earth alone.

When you can’t see any logic in what’s going on, and questions arise, recall Nūḥ (as) who built the biggest ship on dry land without questioning.

When you find your parents opposing you (in dīn), recall Ibrāhīm (as) who was thrown into a blazing fire by his father.

When you are hurt by your own, recall Yūsuf (as) who was betrayed by his own brothers.

When you are ill and your whole body cries with pain, recall Ayyūb (as) who was so sick that insects would eat from his sick decaying body.

When you’re stuck, and cannot find a way out, recall Yūnus (as) who was stuck inside the belly of a whale.

When you’re mocked, abused, and taunted by your own, just because you adopted dīn over dunyā, recall Muḥammad (saw) who faced much worse.”

Sometimes Dreams Are Better Off Not Real !

Months have passed since we became close friends.

Every day I find I'm thinking of you,
Though no word from you that message sends.

And yet we share all other thoughts and feelings.

I cannot wait to tell you of my day,

And you give me the gist of all your dealings,

Which makes me hope we walk in the same way. Telling you this is opening a door.
That never can be closed again, and yet

I must, because I ache for something more,

Something that I must risk all to get.

I laughed at people still in love

Who trusted someone's word;

To make their happiness depend

On faith seemed quite absurd.

I lay alone and wonder-struck,

Sleepless in my bed,

Still numb, still dumb, still ice, ice cold,

Not knowing I was dead.

Sometimes dreams are better off not real.

Old yearnings drain away through open gates.

Regretfully I tell you how I feel,

Yet with wounds that time will have to heal.

Sometimes dreams are better off not real.

to realize that I have a lot of to do.

for my future.. for my parents.. for my education.

that want me to be a successful women without any pain in love.