Please be healthy, Dad

Somehow, I have also been finding myself impressed with a profound amount of gratitude for the things great and small that i’ve so often taken for granted.  I’ve spent a lot of time, over the last few years especially, fighting off the moans of creative frustration, HEARTBREAK, depression, anxiety, day to day dramas, and whatever else can be fueled by too much attention and spiritual unrest.
but, as I sit here now in an impending darkness far greater than all those emotions combined, I’m humbled by defeat and forced to open my eyes and heart. 

Oh God, You can take everything I have, For every moment that I have hope and health and love and friends and air and lights, food, rain on my window, a bed, songs, a voice, 10 fingers 10 toes, hands, strength and music and art and beautiful people who actually listen to what I make, for every glimmer of everything and so much more… except my father, because I can’t live without him. I can’t stand to see him with pain, You can take anything... but NOT MY DAD ! :’(

    Dear God, Please keep my precious Dad in my prayers. He is the purest, kindest and most honorable human being I’ve ever known. Somehow I got lucky to be his daughter. 
Allah, I just never know when something could be taken away.

09 June 2013

in my sadness

three years ago

This was the first time, I could feel sooo~ cold such as in a large refrigerator.

When my sister told me that there was a snow world in Bekasi Square, 

I was very excited.

why (?)

..........................................

Same But Different

me and my sisters 

.................................................................

"I just want to let you know. You mean the world to me. Only a heart as dear as yours. Would give so unselfishly. The many things you’ve done. 

All the times that you were there. Help me know deep down inside. How much you really care. Eventhough I might not say. I appreciate all you do. Richly blessed is how I feel. Having sisters just like you.. "

On Mother's Day

Tonight I write this poem in dedication to you, Although no words can say how I feel.
Mom, you’ve always been the best

A better mom than all the rest.

I’m thankful for all the things you do

I’m glad my mom is extra special you!
The thousands of things you did for me

that helped make me happier, stronger and wiser,

because I had you as a role model.
I'm grateful for all the times

you healed my hurts and calmed my fears,

so that I could face the world

feeling safe and secure.
I'm thankful for all you showed me

about how to love and give lessons that now bring so many blessings to me each and every day.

Your sacrifices and unselfishness

did not go unnoticed, Mom.
I learned about love from you,

Watching your caring ways.

I learned about joy from you

In fun-filled yesterdays. From you I learned forgiving

Of faults both big and small.

I learned what I know about living.
From you, as you gave life your all.
mom, without you, there would be no me.

Your love, your attention, your guidance,

have made me who I am.
Without you, I would be lost, wandering aimlessly, without direction or purpose.

You showed me the way to serve, to accomplish, to persevere.
Without you, there would be an empty space

I could never fill, no matter how I tried.

Instead, because of you, I have joy, contentment, satisfaction and peace.
You deserve much more than words can say;

You make me feel I always will pray,

“God, please, be with Mom in a special way.

Give her Your blessings throughout the day.

Show her the meaning, the reason for her to stay.

Let Your angels guard her; don’t let her go astray.

Help her see the good of Your work; keep the evil away.

Keep her smiling; dry her tears, if You may.

Let her that whenever there’s trouble,

She can turn to You; You’ll help her struggle.

Let her know that here on Earth,

She’ll never know what she’s really worth,

But up there, up there in Heaven,

She’s guarded by an angel,

Please, let her know how precious she is

In my heart even if I'm not showing this.

Let her know I'm always there

To help her out through my prayer.

I may not feel what she’s passing through,

But let her know I try my best to do.

Let her know that whenever she’s down,

I can feel it without a frown.

Help me see Your goodness through her,

Through Your words wherever I was…”
That’s my prayer for you every night.

May this give you hope in everything in sight.

And please, know that wherever you are,

Know that I love you and care whether I'm near or far…

On Mother’s Day, I want you to know

You’re the greatest mom, and I love you so.

There’s one more thing I want to say:

I wish you Happy Mother’s Day!

Izinkan Aku Tuk Melukiskan Kata Cinta Untukmu.. Abi ;')

Teruntuk seorang ayah yang telah mencurahkan segenap keringat, setiap degup jantung, setiap langkah kaki, untuk sebuah hati kecilku..

Pembawa segala gudang ilmu, pengukur desah nafasku, penguat peluhku, tempat sandaran ketika ku dibalut kalut..

Hanya untukmu.. penyemangatku.. ABI..

Yang dengan cucuran keringat dan darahmu.. aku bisa berdiri tegak,

yang dengan rengkuhan tanganmu.. aku bisa merasakan perlindungan,

yang dengan tatap tajammu.. aku tau mana yang benar,

dan yang dengan senyummu, aku memulai hidup dengan ceria

Duhai ayahku..

Darimu, kau bawa aku dikehidupan nyata ini.. mengenal arti rasa dan cinta. Darimu, kau tunjukan aku jalan menuju cintaNya.. kau telah menumbuhkan si kecil penuh ketakmengertian dari kerdil menjadi yang bijaksana dan sabar lalui hari.. selalu tajamkan pikirku, dan benahi jiwaku yang berserakan..

Abiku sayang..

Aku rindu.. rindu masa kecilku dulu.. Engkau hantarkan aku keliling daerah hanya untuk menyampaikan bait bait ayat yang telah ku hafal.. dan kau hanya tersenyum kala aku bertanya “banggakah kau padaku ayah?”

Aku rindu.. ketika engkau tatapku dengan mata teduhmu dan kecup lembut dikeningku.  bersamamu pula telah ku tempuh perjalanan astral merangkai azzam agar tidak keluar dari marka jalanNya.. ketika dunia kampus merenggut keimananku, kau sentuh aku dengan omelan tanda kekhawatiran.

Ayahku yang tercinta..

Andai kata ku bisa bahagiakan jiwamu, pasti akan kulakukan.. sepahit apapun, sesakit apapun akan tetap kulakukan kalau itu yang kau mau.. Yaa allah.. Kekasih abadiku, hamba bersyukur padaMu.. yang telah memberi seorang penjaga  untukku.. dia ayahku.. dengan segenap rasa telah menjagaku disaat ku takut, mengajariku disaat ku tak mengerti, mendukungku disetiap langkahku, menemaniku disaat ku sendiri terasing.. Ia adalah anugrah Ilahi..

Wahai Robbi idzati.. Wahai dzat Yang Maha Pengasih dan penyayang.. penuhilah beliau dengan limpahan cahaya dan makhfirahMu..

Wahai Allahku.. aku telah bersaksi bahwa abi telah menyampaikan amanahMu dan RasulMu untukku J