sometimes
as my sickness worsens each day
I want someone to love and take care of
me
yet, I don't want them to know the depth
of my pain
so, I go home alone
and cry myself to sleep in loneliness
because I am unable to live long and
sturdy
still, I don't want anyone seeing me like
‘this'
but sometimes my lonely heart longs
for someone special to care
dying isn't something we want to do alone
yet pride keeps us from having anyone
there
I searched for a ‘healthy' love
because love is what people need
recklessly, I reached elsewhere to find
the love I ever seek
in my ignorance and hurry
to find my inner peace
I desperately saw in another
what people needed to see in me...
....health, and hope, and life
instead of sickness and decline
I found in another
my wish came true, to hide my dying
my only wish is that someone would love
and care for me
instead of this loneliness of dying alone.
room, midnight in 2013.